Here it is, another month beginning as we transition from the sweet coolness of spring air and already delving into the perspiration inducing heat that is a southern summer. I find myself still in limbo between true satisfaction of knowing my true north and where my life path surely is leading me to and the constant pull holding me back in the grips of severe depression, old patterns, and beliefs that no longer serve my purpose.

It is a very lonely place when you are going through chaos and discomfort, especially in the form of severe depression and dis-ease, when you are a practitioner of healing arts and your clients come to you for healing in those very same areas. I feel like I should have it all together if I truly am a professional in such a field. My specialty is clearing away old patterns that hold people back from reaching their highest potential and they look to me for guidance, clarity, and example.  I am good at what I do.  People have discernible, visible, positive results when they come and see me.  Would they still see my value and the value of what I do if I tell the truth, if I come out and  say, “hey I’m sorry I didn’t call you back for a long, inappropriate for a consummate professional, length of time.  I’ve been so depressed that I’m lucky to be able to get out of bed and take care of my kids. Motherhood is really kicking my ass this time and my child who already turned  a year old still wakes up 10 times a night.  I’ve tried working on myself but  I can’t seem to have a break thru using my therapy and tools.  I haven’t been able to go to someone else to work on me either because, oh yeah, btw, I haven’t been able to clear my money and success issues, so I’m really broke.”   I’m sure if I said all that they would be coming to me in droves.

So here I sit in solitude between the brink of despair and one day a possible break through that sticks; hoping for and easy transition between the two like two seasons blending into each other; hoping for cool summer breezes to bring relief and balance to the forging heat of the summer months ahead.  Rise phoenix rise!